Through the years, in my personal relationships I have had many "deal breakers" in the past. Most of these have fallen by the way-side over the years as I have become more tolerant of foibles in myself and others. However, I have one "deal breaker" that remains. I simply cannot compromise on this one. I require honesty from others in my life. If that one key cannot be provided, the value with which I hold the other person plummets. For me this is the distinguishing quality between those I trust and hold dear and those I do not. Certainly other qualities matter and attract me (kindness, compassion, humor) but none are as essential or as dear to me.
However, honesty is not always kind. I still remember vividly a moment of complete honesty from July 4, 1999, my personal independence day. My then husband had been unhappy. He came home on that day and said "I do not love you as a wife. I have never loved you as a wife. Why did we get married?" Honest things all, but painful. Obviously that marriage ended. Within 2 years we were both remarried to others that suited us better. He now has a beautiful wife and two young children. I know that I am happier and presume that he is also. So for me anyway, honesty is key. Everything else can be worked around.