Asking for what you want

The Myers Briggs Type has come up in several of my conversations and emails recently. I’m an introvert with a capital I, an INTJ to be precise.

A colleague was surprised to find that I consider myself an extreme introvert. I related to him how exhausted I was when I first stepped into a management role several years ago when my life became one meeting after another. I became incredibly worn down from the constant human interaction. I would come home, stand with my arms out and wait for my husband to step into my hug. I would have him pat me on the back and tell me everything was going to be OK. Like anything, you can build stamina for this, but it took time.

Now my colleague (a man) was pretty stunned that a woman would simply ask for what she needed from the man in her life. How simple. How unusual to not expect one’s spouse/significant other to read one’s mind.

I was one of those people in the past and can still fall into the trap under the right circumstances. Oh, surely if you cared about me enough you would simply know what I needed and would provide it without my asking. Phooey. Actually I have an employee like this (she reads my mind); she is gold. I tell her often. But, this cannot be expected of most people. My life is so much simpler and better now that I simply ask for what I need, when I need it. No hidden agenda. No thinking that I should not have to ask out loud (just read my mind please). The worst that will happen is that I will be told no. I promise you that this is 1000 x better than than waiting for someone to read your mind or sense your mood to try to discern the problem. The best outcome of course is that you might just get what you want, when you want it.

2 comments on “Asking for what you want
  1. Irene says:

    It’s wonderful that you have an employee who CAN read your mind. That’s a rare situation but it makes for a great work place.
    I agree. Most of the time you have to ask for what you want, especially in the work place.

  2. Cathy says:

    I’ve had her about 5 years now and she is simply terrific. There will be days where I’m thinking about moving her onto a different project or refocusing our efforts and before I’ve thought it through she’ll come and suggest it to me or tell me she’s had some free time so she’s already started on it (without my saying a word.)
    Of course I prefer to hire independent, self motivated, folks which helps foster this environment, but I am blessed.