I have cognitive dissonance on my mind.
According to Wikipedia, cognitive dissonance is the excessive mental stress and discomfort experienced by an individual who holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values at the same time. This stress and discomfort may also arise within an individual who holds a belief and performs a contradictory action or reaction.
Maybe it’s an aging thing. How much contradiction can one live with? Accept?
Generally if I value X and I do Y a big psychic GONG goes off. These days mostly if I value X, I do X or X+0.01. Pin drops. Tink. Barely a blip on my internal radar.
But every once in a while there is a disturbance in the force. Today I got an email that contained in part “I look up to you so…” GONG! GONG! GONG! Big psychic GONG!
It took me a bit to figure out what was creating the dissonance. I have, and value, tremendously, a wide variety of mentors whom I’ve had the benefit to have over the years, people I look up to, respect. But, and, yet, one of the big reasons I never loved all things higher education was the implicit expectation to create “mini mes.” I still consider my PhD mentor my scientific father but had and continue have no desire to be that impactful to another human.
Hmm. And random. What sets off your internal GONG?