I recently spent a week in Hawaii – 5 days on Maui, 2 days on Big Island. And yes, I know my life is charmed.
The trip was filled with normal touristy things:
- Hiking/Running/Walking – down to Jaws to see the surfers getting towed out by jet ski to the big waves; in the enchanted (well Makawao) forest (Kahakapao Loop trail); to see almost every waterfall along the road to Hana; along the beach (at Mauna Kea – Big Island); near the Anchialine ponds (Big Island); along the coast near Kihei (Maui).
- EATING (there was a lot of eating) – Mama’s Fish House (Maui), Roy’s (Big Island), the Hali’imaile General Store (Maui). While all this fine dining was awesome it’s hard to beat the fried rice for breakfast at the Gazebo in Maui.
- Stand Up Paddle Boarding – sadly only once.
- Drinking at Mauna Kea – you must try the Frederico! And getting treated to amazing wine – Sine Qua Non – Five Shooter, Dominus Napa Valley, and Caymus Special Selection Cabernet. Wow! All around. The Baja Margarita at the General Store is also quite nice (Jalapeno infused).
- Shopping in Lahaina (also once).
My brother may move to Maui, so was renting a house for 6 weeks. He’s just signed a yearlong lease – moving from a place that gets about 100 inches of rain a year to one that gets perhaps 10, that is also much closer to the beach.
As nice as this trip was, the thing that is sticking in my brain is a comment my sister-in-law made. She and my brother have been married for 23 years, but if my math is correct they have been together for 30+ years – they met in college. And she said in passing “oh, that was so six Clydes ago.” I forget what prompted this comment but I’m still chewing on it. Version 6.0. What version are you on?
If you change and your partner does not, or changes in a different direction, x 6 (or more) what makes that work out? or not?
My own relationships have generally not survived the iterations, reinventions, and evolutions that have occurred in each person over time. There is a part of me that is at peace with the changes (God is Change – Octavia Butler); and professionally, I have certainly been willing to deviate from a path that I was positive was the one and only true path back when I was a teen. And yet, I admire those people who have committed personally and professionally, and who seem happy and content staying with their choices year after year, decade after decade. I remember a conversation with my grandmother, now deceased, asking me if I thought it would be OK for her to slip her husband of 60+ years a Viagra because he was always just so “sexy.” Just writing that makes me uncomfortable; it is also one of my most cherished memories of her/them for their enduring affection and attraction. I recently found a quote that the best partners allow you to grow into your best self. I love this. In my case the caveat would be, even if that leads them away from you/you away from them.
But does the core change? To me, my brother is pretty much the same – sure older, wiser, but fundamentally the person I have always known, loved and respected. Or maybe it’s just the brother – sister dynamic that does not change as much?! Do we each simply revert to version 1.0 when we interact with each other? What version are you?